I can't hear no noise.Usually when something hits against the wall,forces its way down,there it goes-Thudddd....A high pitched unignorable sound..But then, how can it be possible???I can hear no sound, yet the feeling is intense and its effect is profound.There is a lump formed in my neck..I open my mouth to speak,all I utter is silence.No,No...you got me wrong I am not having a stroke...yet I can exactly experience how, stroke might have an effect..... Nauseated(my tummy's acting up...)..Yes,I am...Broken...Yes,indeed....frail and fragile,....trying to calm my disheveled self..trying hard to gather some courage....My footsteps never felt this heavy before......My heart feels as if it'll pop out from my chest any moment..lub dub...lub dub..lub dub....(sounds as if my pace maker is a 3d surround sound system),I feel like a hot mess....I want to cry out loud but,to my dismay a drop of tear doesn't trickle down my eyes...(I am so mad(really...GRRRR) thinking that why would I cry my lungs out at times when I don't need it....and now when I need it to settle the unrest,them bloody tears don't show up)I know i know,I am not supposed to cuss...but,if I don't utter profanity....my feelings wouldn't seem as intense and that would be disrespecting my feelings...And who am I to dare do that???? Ok, to cut the long story short...my tears ditched me,when I would have wailed like a new born baby in her cradle...that's how fast my heart was racing, that's how tensed I was,that's how painful it felt......
The entire world seemed to have fallen apart...I dropped a vase this morning,yet i could try and attach its pieces together...But only if I could do the same with something that died inside me today...Broken from the core,shattered like it would never be able to be the centerpiece my heart again(oh well that broken vase definitely will be the centerpiece of my table...Sigggh);I tried hard to let it live....I made it beautiful with my imaginations...It raced inside me...and I would breathe with sigh of relief......It would show me how different tomorrow is going to be from today,so not to lose hope ever.....Most importantly,it always taught me,you lose only when the hope(faith) in you dies...what a beauty! How I would love to have you in my memory lane...How you would make it easy for me.....Stronger than ever...that's how I felt when you would wandered in my thought processes....but now that you are gone,it hurts....
My dream, you were the only one that never questioned me nor backfired me...never ridiculed me nor betrayed me,never ever ditched me or dumped me...but now you are gone...All my fault,I let you crash...You asked me to be stronger,Why on earth did I lose it all???why couldn't I save you when all you've done is save my head..Everynight in my sleep,you would kiss me swiftly...and the next day I would wake up with a crack of smile...Never again...will I get to have you around me...never again....But, when you were crashing into pieces,you wouldn't let me do the same...You didn't let me crash despite the fact that, you had to wipe your existence from my soul....It hurts...You are all I dreamt about.You were my aspiration, my motivation,beauty of my life....I wish I was a dream catcher so that I could catch you and hide you in my eyes forever...But, now that you're gone....I will have to find ways to praise your immenseness....If I give up, you'll lose and I don't want you to lose ever....So I'll dream yet again..With all my heart and soul............You crashed ...I faltered ..yet there'll be a better tomorrow........better than ever....better then we had ever dreamt of...
I will dream with my eyes wide open so that I never have to lose you again....
Dedicated to dreamers like myself...
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